Fiddlin Momma

There is a story I recently read from a children's book, about a leader of a Tribe named “Setting Sun” who lived long ago and raised seven courageous, good sons, who had all sadly died young in battle. It was almost time for the Chief  to choose a new man to reign in his stead, so he called upon the young men in the village to compete in several contests. Through doing so, Setting Sun believed the one to take his place  would be revealed.  The boys eagerly showed promise and capabilities in several contests, including fishing, hunting, running, shooting the surest arrow, and enduring the longest in a war dance. Through these contests other qualities would also be revealed such as honesty, goodness, and wisdom. One youth stood out among the rest throughout these contests, his name, “Dawn Boy.” Dawn boy was the first to hunt, endured the longest, ran the fastest. Everything seemed to be easy for him. Yet Setting Sun decided he must find one more task that he knew would challenge Dawn Boy. The final task was a quest to create a belt of beads. The boys would learn the art of beading and the winner would be the one who made the most beautiful creation. 

All the boys worked diligently. Some progressed rapidly, some slowly. Dawn Boy took a long time, this was not something he felt he excelled in. His mother watched him eagerly from afar, but could not help him. Dawn Boy tried multiple times to create a beautiful bead belt, but each time felt it was not good enough. Finally Dawn boy went deep into the woods till he found a winding river. Believing  himself to be alone, he stretched his arms out in prayer, He asked the Great Spirit to help him fashion a beautiful design in a timely manner. And asked humbly that he might become the new Chief, and to learn to be good and wise as the one before.

Unbeknownst to Dawn Boy ,Setting Sun had followed him all the way to the river and watched him, wanting to know how he would respond to this trial before him.

Soon after Dawn Boy set to work. Again, he felt thwarted. But then a curious thing happened. He noticed a caterpillar crawling up a small twig laying near Dawn' Boys foot. Dawn boy went to pick up the twig so as not to step on it. He raised the stick and saw that its back had an intricate, beautiful design, then joyfully realized this was an answer from the Great Spirit. Dawn Boy studied the design and came to know the repeated pattern on the worms back. He chose the same colors and sitting close to the caterpillar, worked for hours on the new design.

It was time to present the belts to Setting Sun, and for the Chief to announce who would take his place. Dawn Boy placed his belt near the others. Many made exclamations of wonder and admiration. But Setting Sun did not acknowledge this. He raised his hand and shared that he had chosen Dawn Boy to take his place. He acknowledged Dawn Boy had proved himself to be fast, strong and sure in his actions. He had created an object of beauty.. But this was not what made him choose Dawn Boy. Setting Sun chose Dawn Boy because of his great Faith. Faith in the goodness, and the helpfulness of the Great Spirit. Because of this Faith, Setting Sun knew that when times got difficult for Dawn Boy, and their people were in  trouble, he would appeal for help and guidance, through the Great Spirit. (story from Thelma Harrison, Book: A Story to Tell)

This story to me is very meaningful. One of the things that stands out to me is the way Dawn Boy kept his eyes wide open to curiosity within the natural world and his heart and spirit open to signs and wonders sent from above. I also love the integrity and humility of Setting Sun and Dawn Boy. Both of them had amazing leadership qualities and talents. Both had great confidence. Yet they acknowledged their mortal existence has limitations. They called upon a Supreme Being who they felt could make them rise higher and be greater than they could on their own. 

Stories like these bring comfort and perspective to me as I consider the trials, turbulence we all face in this life. The christian religion/faith practices  I'm deeply involved in, and scriptures I'm seeking to live by gives me strength. Besides the ups and downs of every day life, there are incredible challenges and adversity faced by many on a daily basis. Then another layer of internal stress descends upon us as events in our communities and world  which test our faith and hope and ability to perceive truth. 

Perhaps you wonder what these thoughts have to do with my musical world. The truth is my spiritual journey is so inseperably connected. Much of the songs I've created are about finding joy and holiness within the simple gifts in life that come from God. (Look Up) Creating uplifting music or even sometimes sad music is soothing and I believe therapeutic. 

I've written songs about the ups and downs within family life. ("We're a Family," and “From God's Hands to Mine”) Being a mother, wife is perhaps the greatest, most “soul-stretching” opportunity living on earth I've experienced. 

“I'm Free” and “Butterfly” both capture the  wonder and miracle of having a human body with freedom, choice to reach high for our dreams, passions, interests and talents. To be a “creator” in this world in my perspective is an incredible gift from OUR Creator -for ourselves and for blessing those around us. Our fast changing world, including the increasing use of AI has baffled and at times concerned me, in part due to wondering if the very act of creating for human beings will be stifled or inhibited more and more over time. But I also feel we continually have choices  in how to manage our ability to continue to CREATE. 

As a performer, teacher I think quite seriously of my role in the community and world. My goals and ideals have changed and evolved over time and it seems to me that the more I am creating and sharing music which inspires, uplifts and brings people Heavenward, the more deeply satisfying it will be. I love to make friends through in-person performing and teaching events.  I love to see a child's face light up upon discovery in creating something new, I love to help other musician friends grow in confidence as they are seeking to also improve in their musicianship and skills. 

On a personal note, I share a short video reflecting a few  experiences that happened in August 2025. It emphasizes how music brings unity to my family members and friends. And shows simple acts of living and spending time with others which foster love and true satisfaction.

Another reality of life that I reflect on at times is how I will choose to continue to age. I am not a young women in my “prime” anymore. Although I'm grateful I can still run, play sports, dance and move a little while performing, advancing age is a reality that hits most of us sooner or later. I see many examples of seasoned musicians who still continue to uplift others through sharing music into their 40's, 50's, 60's and beyond, and I hope to continue to do this in various ways and settings. I've been on the earth almost 50 years now, and sometimes that is quite mind-boggling to me. Yet there are perks that come with aging, including wisdom and foresight and.. for some of us, Grandparent-hood, which i am enjoying immensely for the whole 1-year that I have been a Grandma so far. It seems the older I get, the more richness grows in my life. The richness of life experience, spiritual insights and discovery. 

On social media I see so many women trying to gain approval and attention through showing physical beauty, including women musicians. The reality is, many of these women receive thousands and millions of views this way. I have not been exempt from being effected by these “norms.” Yet I choose to try and avoid this approach, for a have a deep belief that true, lasting beauty comes from inward. This beauty comes from the confidence and faith of believing in one's divinity as God's child. When one discovers their own divinity and worth and the love that surrounds them, and allows it to penetrate their being, it SHOWS. I believe people who KNOW this love emanate and shine in life the brightest. 

In conclusion, I share a writing which came to me after pondering on what true love is and how we can continue to seek for it and absorb it in our lives. Here I share the text, or for those who prefer, the spoken version, with some peaceful, meditative piano music I developed a few years ago. 

*special note: Some know this source of truth as “Allah” Great Spirit, Holy Spirit, the Messiah, etc..I feel in these musings although I use the language I do, we all were created from the same loving Being.

To Be Loved

I have felt golden moments of divine love penetrate into my deeper,divine self.

This is the Light and Love of our Heavenly Parents and their Son, Jesus Christ.

It is deeper and more abiding than romantic love, sibling love, best friend love, even mother's love.

It is perfect. Unconditional. It exists, it can be accessed, felt. It is real.

We are divine beings living in a mortal body. We develop layers of misconceptions over time because of our human experience that tell us we must have a “perfect” body, we must have greater than average talents, we must have an updated home or a fancy car..

But what is real? The quest for rising above and beyond is a God given quality. Yet…

In the long run the fruits of those labors will not be long lasting IF we are on a quest for glory, for proving oneself to others, or for monetary gain only benefitting one self. 

In our quest to rise above do we reach for the Heavens and act as a vessel of God's love and light, flowing through us? Do we live for HIS Glory?

If we are only living for ourselves how can we find lasting happiness and joy?

God's love surrounds us. He watches, lovingly awaits for us to accept and absorb and even..

REFLECT HIS LIGHT.

Take it in.. Then shine outward His Light to the lives surrounding us. Animals, plants, gifts of the land.. other people including those with labels given by others;  homeless, supermodel, politician, pastor, LGBTQ, basketball star, mentally ill, handicapped. God gave us His only Begotten Son to die for us and one day redeem us from sin , heartaches and weaknesses. Our Saviors grace is accessible to all. Could this be the greatest act of love ever shown upon the Earth? 

If you are feeling lost, and far from the source of all Truth…

Consider if your thinking and actions are moving you farther away from the One who knows and loves you best?

The Light and Love of Heavenly Father and Mother is always there. But to access Their power we must CHOOSE to search for it, willingly ACCEPT into our hearts, and live the best we can according to those TRUTHS we know.

“We are great and powerful spiritual beings having a human experience.” - Danion Brinkley

There is one more quote I wish to share from Ezra Taft Benson who was the Prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints when I was a teenager. I often don't perceive the Light that surrounds me, and feel I have so much to learn and develop spiritually still. Yet I do find comfort and hope through these words.

“Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He can deepen their joys, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, and pour out peace.”

Imagine if leaders of nations and all people lived with this belief: What would it be like to live in the world? One day, is it possible?

Dear readers, thank you for taking the time to read these “musings." My hope is that each of you find something that resonates with your spirit, your inner core that will strengthen you in your trials. Perhaps there is a thought you can incorporate in your daily meditations, or if another uplifting idea comes to your mind upon reading this., let it be a new part of your thinking and outlook . May we allow ourselves to FORGIVE and be open to LOVE. May God bless each of you as you continue to walk your paths of personal learning and spiritual discovery. 

Peace and Hope, 

Anna Watkins Anawalt 
 

Circles. Life is full of them. The earth we live upon is a sphere. The beginnings of our earthly life began inside an egg (ovum), one of the largest human cells. Through circular cycles of love and unity and the miracle of life we grew inside our mother's womb. The pupils and colors in our eyes reflect the emotions we feel, Circles are found in the spherical shape of raindrops, and within the miraculous shapes of snowflakes, various circular shapes in rocks,trees, tree rings. Cycles and orbits within our universe bring bring order and rhythm to our beautiful planet. The sun daily gives life and energy to all of earth's inhabitants. The moon shines her gentle light to all the world each night as stars glitter and shine through the "darkened" skies. Much of our associations and relationships can be see as circular, as patterns of reactive habits and as what we know and perceive effects how we interact each day. Our lives weave and dance together close as we open and allow love to flow, then circle out farther away in times of conflict and uncertainty.. then again we circle back together in unity and love.

Countless creations of round shapes and energetic "circles" are part of the past and the NOW. They will continue onward forever through time. We see them in visual creations, in the way our bodies move, in the patterns of music which bring deeper layers of meaning to emotion, in the motion of our hands at work work** and play. The curve of our smiles or frowns in a half circle, the size of our pupils, the changing shape of our mouths.. reveal what is beneath the surface, whether or not the words we say are sincere or in pretense. I believe energy flows in and through me and through you, travels to those we feel positive or negative emotions toward, then "circles" back again to our bodies. I wonder if our positive or negative energies flow to greater reaches than we can even imagine.

When I run, I visualize my legs as wheels turning, naturally propelling me forward, sailing around streets, floating around corners, moving gracefully through routes I am well familiar with. This is another happy place where free thoughts and ideas flow.

Wheels. Everywhere we depend upon the amazing creation of the wheel which gets us from "here to there." There is a rhythm and flow to the sounds and sights in busy city streets, as different vehicles, controlled by a variety of humans make different sounds. Wheels bring convenience. Wheels bring enjoyment! As I participate in a very free-ing sport called rollerblading with my family at our local "Fun Park," I find a new kind of delight. Not only do I ride upon the top of several small "wheels, but I swirl around curves with other riders as music plays, and as lights cast colorful splashes of circular light upon the ground. The repetetive circular path i take is soothing in a sense, and when the "right song" plays in the surrounding speakers,my hands start to roll and lift, my shoulders lift and sway, my head moves and my wheeled feet tap with the blades in rhythm as I glide around and around to the beat of the bass and drums.

The process of wakefulnes and sleep is yet another wondrous reality we were born with, which i believe can be seen as circular. When our sleep cylce is well balanced, it enables us to re-energize and restore our muscles, organs and cells, after the wear and tear of each day.

During our R.E.M. stage of sleep we dream. In dreaming we can see shapes, colors, hear sounds, feel strong emotions, see peope and places we may or may not recognize. As we vacillate between being asleep and awake we discover ideas, impressions and insights. For me musical ideas sometimes flow here. Images or ideas may emerge which relate to processing difficult emotions or working throught concerns I feel regarding a loved one. Sometimes, there is the gift of spiritual insights and guidance as my mind is not consciously focused by all the clutter of the present, past and worries of the future.

As a musical artist, performer and teacher - movement within me and surrounding me is a very important part of my life. As a songwriter, patterns of melody and harmony,notes and chords, structure and patterns, and mind-swirling thoughts and ideas flow and circle around and through me. As I walk or run among a beautiful field of flowers, or even in a crowded building or street, or catch the eye of a "stranger".. sometimes I hear the beginnings of a pattern, poem, story or song. On occasion, for a few precious moments I can look outside of myself, as if I'm another entity looking down into a new world, making a new discovery. Everywhere I go, I seek to explore and discover in a playful sort of way. (Click here for some exploratory moments during a recent family trip to Arizona: https://youtu.be/hWhGPoctTsE)

Over the last couple of years, I have launched into the adenture of being an elementary school music specialist. (K-5) Prior to working for the Logan School District, I worked with preschool age children in experiemental movement and music classes I created and named "Music for Little Monkeys. (You will find a short video link, to the "circle motion" in this moment here: https://fb.watch/ild0XXGX2F/ )

I also have taught several private piano and violin lessons, and group theory classes. I played for and still occasionally provide interactive entertainment for family, children and community events in Utah and Idaho. I teach at a week long music and art camp (MAT camp) in Evantston, Wyoming each June. Last summer I was able to participate in and complete Level one training in Orff-Schulwerk music and movement education at Utah State Univeristy. Taking part in these events has been very rewarding and has helped me discover new ways to expose children to the love and understanding of music. The training I have recieved very much is in alignment with how I love to learn as an individual - through kinesthetic and sensory exploration.

My husband and I have been blessed with six beautiful biological children. Through the years I have taken them along to events and classes with the hope at a young age they learned to apprecate the beauty and joy of music. Each of them have moved on to working primarily with other private teachers in their various musical and artistic aspirations. They are using those skills today at various levels of ability and interest. On occasion, we will perform together for a church or community event. Some are more interested in other pursuits, hobbies. One of my jobs now as momma is to suport them in their interests, and"taxi" them to lessons, concerts, recitals and other pursuits.

Reader, please now click on this link if you wish to enjoy a more sensory-immersive reading experience. LISTEN to this beautiful piece of music I just discovered as you continue. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ao11wqXm2d4)

Now, circling back to "circles..." I share a recent class experience with 5th graders. The song I chose to start our class with was one that popped up on a youtube music song playlist. I loved it the first time I heard it. I loved the way it made me feel and made me want to move, and I knew it would be beneficial for my students to hear this moving piece from Ola Gjeilo (a very gifted Norwegian composer) and to be able to improvise movement with their bodies. Come with me now and join us in this exploration if you wish.*

Friends, begin in child pose. Breathe quietly, deeply. Close your eyes and just hear and feel the music for a moment. Let images flow your mind that want to flow. Then , slowly rise up into circular motions. Explore all the different ways you can think of with your body that are circular. Feel and move in circles with your arms, fingers, legs, hips, head, back. Enjoy the beauty of your body creating these movements as you immerse your mind and heart witht the music.

A change in mood and tempo comes. (1:30) Gradually with the piano and voices let your body move in slow, low motions. Stretch , bend, enjoy the space around you. Move with the images that come to mind as you hear the violin, and the free flowing pulse and thoughtful moods.

Again, a change comes, It is moving more again. (3:13) Find a way to walk and sway that is different than you've tried before. Different than anyone else around you. Walk different directions, different ways with your feet, walk on your knees, Sway as you walk. Find your very own way. Find multiple ways.Move with someone else if you wish. When you feel a building and growing in the music, let your movements grow and expand. Alone or with a partner.

The music has been circling back to what we've heard in the beginning. (around 4:00) You will hear similar patterns of melody and harmony. Somewhere in the music allow yourself to go back to circles - new circles or similar to the ones you did before. You may want to circle with a partner. Find ways to merge with someone else and make new circles with them. Allow yourself to feel freedom in moving your body. You are unique. No one else creates the same as you, as you create your very own movement with the amazing body you have been given.

Soon the music is coming to an end.. as you start to hear the conclusion, circle down again into child pose or another restful postition that is comfortable to you. Breathe and listen to the dance of the piano and the guitar, how they weave musically and comfortable with and around each other. Breathe, listen, relax and feel. And alow yourself to find that magical place that is all your own.

Perhaps some of you fell in love with this beautiful piece of music as I did as you listened and moved your body with the strings, piano and voices. But if you didn't connect with it as I did, I'm sure there are other songs that resonate and penetrate deep inside your heart and spirit and bring feelings of motivation, movement, happiness or peace. Truly as I create music, as I teach music, as i share music I have created or have discovered from someone else, I hope to bring this upliftment to the dear friends and associates who reside in my circle, and beyond.

https://fb.watch/ilgYGZvjk9/ (video)

Life is full of circles, twists and turns, obstacles, highs and lows, dips and even dives. And sometimes, stillness and rest. But always as our heart beats and as our soul lives there are opportunities daily to see something new. Or even, to see the same thing, a new way. There are opportunities to make our lives and the lives of those around us more meaningful. (click on "New Day" at the to of this page, for a short, meditative song: https://annawanawaltmusic.wixsite.com/mysite.

Some days it feels as if the stars aligned and we are in a peaceful or even joyful state. Some moments it feels as if there are dark clouds surrounding our vision and hope feels far away. When I feel closer to the True source of power from my Creator, I feel a glimpse of the Divinity within me and within all those around me. I feel the pure joy that comes from the gifts I've been been blessed with and the longing to share those gifts burns within. There is a scripture I have found comfort in from 2nd Nephi 2:25 - Adam feel that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy." To me that means men and women were created by our God to be able to experience JOY. To know what joy is, we must know pain. We must know and have felt opposition. Part of having a body on this earth means beginning as a babe coming into a huge world of light, sound, dark, light and imperfect people who are all trying to understand who they are and what life is about. Multiple influences effect our "earthly dance" starting from day one. It is difficult. It is colorful. It is bright and glorious. When we do find those little moments of joy, perhaps it brings a remembrance and a hope that life every day is a gift and a blessing.

In conclusion, I share just a tiny "sneek peak" of a song in the making. A song that will be shared in a full album, hopefully by June 2023. It is about one minute of who I feel when I'm experiencing the greatest joy, gratitude and happiness that I consciously know - in the process of "creating" and living life. I hope you will feel even just a speck of what I have felt as I have created this song, with the help of my friend and producer, John Carter. The song is called "I'm Free."

May the Lord bless you as you continue your "circles," navigating upon your personal journey of living, learning and creating.

SPECIAL NOTES to Reader:

For more blog posts, click here: https://annawanawaltmusic.wixsite.com/mysite/blog

Please consider checking out and subscribing to my website for a centralized place to find Anna Anawalt (aka Fiddlin Momma) music and musician social media sites: https://annawanawaltmusic.wixsite.com/mysite

Feel free to express thoughts or questions direct to my email: annabananarun@gmail.com

*The script shared above for following along with Ola Gjeilo's composition is not specifically what I shared with the class. In reality, I was trying to find the right balance between dancing and moving with the children, occasionally talking as we transitioned in our movement, and dealing with various disruptions among a handful of energetic 10-11 year olds.

**For a delightful video discovery of music and motion that is circular, and also historical learning about "sea shantys" you can view this video that I have been showing to 2nd graders in school over the last few days of this January. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bk4YU2JIdYA

The morning air was warm and dry, spacious blue skies surrounded by colorful rock near our family lodging in Vernal, Utah. During some down time for my husband and four of our children, I ventured out to explore beyond the fenceline and walked toward a large field of alfalfa, which belonged to a neighboring farmer. I wanted to explore where I might be able to go jogging or bring the kids later on. Soon I saw a horse in the distance and I heard people laughing and talking. I went toward the voices and the horse. The stallion was large, white and beautiful. It had been a long time since I'd approached a horse. Very carefully, gauging his mood I talked softly and approached him with a handful of grass. Hesitantly he let me reach out and pet his nose, then his neck. I saw just a few feet away down a hill two women and four children playing in a swamp. They were watching me curiously. I approached them and introduced myself. I found out the senior lady was the owner and she was there with her daughter and grandchildren. A positive light-hearted conversation ensued. I asked if it would be alright if I bring my children later to the swamp. The older lady replied, "yes but it would be best not to if we are not here. My huband is particular about others being on the property due to liability issues." I said, "Ok, would it be alright if I came by myself later and gave your horse an apple?" She replied in the affirmative. We exchanged goodbyes and I approached the horse one more time (who I had found out is named "Tug") before leaving. I pet him once more and sang a gentle song before heading back to the B&B, intending to visit him again that evening.

Later on, after my family and I watched General Conference (a bi-annual televised conference held by the church of Jesus Christ of latter Day Saints) and had finished prep for dinner, a soft orange evening glow beckoned me out the door again. I took a slice of apple, piece of carrot and lettuce leaf from our salad remains and ventured for the 4 minute walk to find "Tug." This time as I got closer I saw a man running hastily toward me on the trail from his house to the alfalfa field where I was headed. I quickened my pace to greet him and ask him about his beautiful horse. I saw he was very assertively walking toward me now. I called out with a friendly "Hello!" But then I saw his face was very unhappy. He said, "You know, i could call the sheriff on you right now for being out on my property, young lady. You've got alot of nerve to be wandering around here. My wife said this is the second time you've come here and that she told you that you were trespassing and that you should leave the property." For a split second I thought he was joking, then I felt a wave of shock and disbelief. I found myself respond as calmly as I could with "I'm sorry sir, I was under the impression I was okay to come back, but i certainly won't go on your property again." He also said that due to the risk of some horses reacting badly to things like carrots and contracting conditions such as colic, I shouldn't be feeding someone else's horse without permission. I said "of course, that is understandable." (I also remembered that I had told the lady I was going to bring an apple, not a carrot.) He continued to verbalize his displeasure as I turned around and left, and again reassured him I would stay away.

All the way home I felt quite dazed. I was used to connecting positively with strangers and did not expect this man to be angry. Yet I knew I had violated his property and now I new first hand that some people are fiercely protective of their property lines. I also realized his wife was probably much more soft on me than her husband would have been earlier that day if he had seen me there, and that she may have communicated something differently to him than what she told me, to keep the peace.

I came back home and briefly told some of my family what happened then went to the bedroom. Tears began to flow down my cheeks. I felt like I had recieved a harsh reprimand. In that moment I was a vulnerable child who had been spanked for something I didn't deserve. At the same time, I found my adult self resisting those emotions and saying to self, "He has that right, you did violate his property. But stop taking it so personally, its silly to be crying over it." I succumbed to the tears anyway, and let myself cry. And it was quite liberating. This time I found myself enjoying the release. I felt a touch of compassion, humility and even a bit of gratitude as I sat there; wide open with raw emotion, on this significant day in Vernal, Utah which happened to be my 46th birthday.

I believe strongly that contrary to what we learn in our growing years, to allow oneself to cry and acknowledge feelings can be a strength. To allow others to see it, and give them the opportunity to nurture can be a strength too. For me, repressing emotions especially around others, including my family has been a habit. In the past, a therapist told me I should let my husband see me cry. And I've been encouraged to even allow my children to see me cry. The thought came to me I should express some sadness to my husband. I came out of the room, not completely hiding the tears this time, and letting him know I was feeling reactive and sad about what happened. He was sympathetic to my situation yet my family knows my free and sometimes careless side better than most. I percieved that my husband acknowledged that this man may be extra sensitive and upset about the situation,and that I should be mindful, careful. But that I had also clearly recieved more accepting communication and approval from his wife, regarding the property.

Later on the owner of the B&B, who lived in the home right next to us, called us and said he talked to the angry farmer. I explained my side of what happened. I was told this man had been difficult to work with regarding property lines and other issues in the past and that he really dosen't have him figured out. He consolingly encouraged me to not continue to feel bad about it. Soon afterwards my mom and Dad called me with a lovely piano/singing

tele-performance of "Happy Birthday." I thanked them and told them about what just happened. They expressed love, reassurance and confidence in me. I knew at that moment I am loved by them and many others. As I reflect, I recognize that God created me with a free and loving spirit. Sometimes those qualities bring joy to myself and others, and sometimes they can get me into a little bit of "trouble."

I believe that is true with many qualities we have. Many strengths can sometimes be a weakness. You can flip that statement around also in a way. We are all painfully aware of our inadequacies and weaknesses. Yet I have been taught throughout my life that through coming to the Lord, He can help those weaknesses turn into strengths. I'm still learning how to recognize and utilize this gift and ability from Him.

For a simple video share of some other more light-hearted family experiences and scenes from our trip, copy and paste this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApPyLdaOCyE

Pictured: Little Anna and her momma, Paula Watkins (early 1980's)

About two weeks after our April spring break trip to Vernal, I had a wonderful opportunity to perform a violin part in a performance with my good friend and recording engineer, John Carter who is an incredible composer. John wrote a story combined with musical compositional work called "The Whisper, a beautiful story and life metaphor about a ballerina. He had the opportunity to perform two of the pieces from this work live for a church related function. He asked me to join him on piano, and another friend Aaron on the cello. The original recording was previously done by a violinist much more qualified than I, who was not available to perform that night. I felt very honored to be asked to help with this performance. I became more diligent at practicing violin than I have in a very long time. This piece was calling upon my classical training which I recieved long ago but have since strayed from, as I've become more of a folk musican and fiddler! I appreciated the challenge. On the day of the performance I arrived with two songs, which I had to change a bit due to my limited technical ability. The two songs were in two different keys. One had three sharps, in the key of A Lydian. The other, three flats in the key of C minor. One song had 3 pages, the other had 4. I realized after I had warmed up at the church with John that I had previously forgotten to tape the pages together from the song that has three sharps. This was necessary because only three pages can sufficiently fit on a music stand, but if I taped the four pages together I could find a way to ensure the music all stays together on the stand. We didn't know where tape was in the church. But with John's quick and resourceful brain he figured out we could use bandaids. One bandaid he found in the church and the other in his wallet. (and one piece of tape he stole from a flyer stuck on a door) I quickly stuck the pages together and went in to the chapel where the performance was about to start.

Our number was toward the middle. When it was our turn to go up, the cellist and I brought our music to the stand and started to assemble it on the music stands as John talked to the audience about his composition. John went to the piano to prepare his music. It wasn't until just before I did a quick tuning check with the piano, right before playing.. that I realized I had mismatched my music! This was a performance "nightmare" moment! Somehow I had taped two pages together of the song called "The Knowing Bridge" with three sharps, to the song called "El corps de ballet et pianiste" with three flats. I was mortified. I said quietly in the mic, "John I need just a bit more time to correct my music." There was an awkward silence as I begin taking off brown bandaids, reshuffling papers and resticking. Thankfully, John started playing some lovely backround improvisational music as I proceeded to correct my mistake.

Finally I was ready. We began the first song. My mother was there and she recorded the beginning. I could hear the tension later in my playing! We were out of sync because I went too fast in the beginning. But soon we finally were together rhythmically. Throughout the performance I had some good moments mixed with plenty of little mess-ups. My practice sessions had been stronger than my performance. But I made it through. And somehow, fortunately in large part because of the incredible cellist playing beside me and John's marvelous piano playing, much of my mistakes were not obvious to the audience. Afterwards people were warm and complimentative. My mother was loving and encouraging. John, so grateful and forgiving throughout my imperfections. As performers its so easy to beat ourselves up. I felt humbled and embarrased. Yet that night, I practiced seeking for a bigger picture, a wider perpective. The music "mission" had been accomplished. Despite my weaknesses in playing, the audience was able to recognize the beauty and magic within the compositition. The message and music within this imaginative gem has very much to do with individual challenges and our personal discoveries, and realization of who we are. You can find this marvelous creation/audiobook here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pEihoIAeOc&t=141s

What do these two stories shared have in common? Both moments in time of feeling negative emotion. Stories of vulnerability. These two examples compared to those times in life that bring deep grief, anger or hurt may pale in comparison. For me, this is currently not the place to share those deeper, more personal stories. Yet all these "minor" experiences reflect past experiences, past habits of "emotional reaction" that may go far back into childhood. To be aware and mindful of these emotions and to accept them is a strength. It is then we have the ability to be honest and accepting of feelings and if needed, redirect and repattern our thoughts. These smaller "hiccup" experiences sometimes prepare us for more difficult times ahead. They also give us the opportunity to forgive ourselves, and others in the future who have or will make similar mistakes. Pain is gain. In the moment of pain this concept is difficult to accept. Yet it is what makes us human. And in my journey of life learning.. it is what helps me recognize my need to rely on a loving Heavenly Father, Mother and Savior Jesus Christ. As an independent musician, much of my music reflects what i know and percieve in the world. The good that I see, the hope and love surrounding us. Yet if you listen, there are whisperings of sadness and vulnerability. Truth and raw human emotion is what I seek to capture in the music I write. And part of what is true, is the "challenge" we all deal with called Pain. We have tools within ourselves to work with pain. We have a beautiful earth that brings comfort and teachings. We have "earth angels" and loved ones who have been through deeply painful experiences before and who understand and can help us. We have Heavenly Love to guide us.

Here is a song I wrote a few months ago. The words began to flow while on a run, as I was wrestling inwardly with some personal weaknesses. It is called "Let Go." The music production and release is still in process, but here is one simple version, available for streaming: https://soundcloud.com/fiddlinmomma/let-go-version-1

Autumn chill, the last leaf falls

Softly glides, circles to the ground

Rest, a season of rest

Deep, sleep, Rest

Dry flowers, seeds into the wind

Blow, move, dance through the air

Move, to another life

New, Land, Grow

Time to let go

Release, let it go

Embrace, hold to the true

Live, love, new

Gentle stream,move down mountain earth

Weave, wind, merge into the running wave

Flow into the river

Give,run, flow

Little bird, leave your branch spread wings

Flutter, open, glide up in the sky

Fly to another tree

Fly, live free

Time to let go

Release, let it go

Embrace, hold to the true

Live, love, free

Under the darkening sky

Tears falling from my eyes

On the wings of a dove

I reach for Heaven's Love

Time to let go

Release, let it go

Embrace, hold to the true

Live, love, free

Finally, I share one more song. This one came during a moment of feeling rejected after an interaction with a woman I had been trying to befriend. Somehow, during a moment of vulnerability and pain that I know I have felt multiple times, a past memory floated through my mind.. and then a melody. Never before has a song come to me in a situation like this. I'm grateful it happened. There are no words in this one. Interpretation is open to the imagination. For me it is very much about the movement and flow of living, including past memories that weave into our intricate life tapestry. It is called "Dreamer's Waltz," soon to be an official release, recorded by the celtic/world folk band "Wildwing," in the studio of Thirteen/Eight Productions.https://soundcloud.com/fiddlinmomma/dreamers-waltz

May you find release, comfort and peace as you continue onward, weaving through this marvelous "dance" we call life.

The third week of September was welcomed by me and four family members as we embarked upon a long anticipated trip to Gettysburg, Pennsylvania and surrounding cities. Because of an independent musician's radio station stationed in Newcastle, PA:

HUGS at https://www.wrgg.org/(Tues and Wed evenings) and my involvement as a solo songwriter and also band member of Xavier Hay and the Dead Man's Band, https://thedeadmansband.com/ I was invited along with several others to take part in a gathering/performance in Biglerville, PA at the property of our radio host's home. Originally this gathering was to combine with another larger festival called the Apple Festival in Biglerville, but due to covid restrictions it was cancelled. Still, I was full of enthusiasm and excitement to meet several friends who I had collaborated with and talked to online through the radio shows.

Masked and ready my husband Jacob and our three oldest children - split up between two different airlines, found each other at the Baltimore airport by late evening Sept 16th. The hope was that I would be able to go visit various places with them including Washington, DC and Gettysburg and that when I attended music gatherings they would feel free to stay or go sight-seeing. We arrived and lodged in a lovely Victorian style Air B n B in a "borough" called Littlestown. Our delightful, kind hosts served us breakfast each morning and gave us advice of places to visit. Here are a few scenes from Littlestown. Littlestown:https://www.facebook.com/1593228158/videos/444717973646342/

Some of the other places we visited while we were in Central PA/MD include: Biglerville, Gettysburg, Lancaster, Washington DC, Shady Grove, Lewisberry and Harrisburg.

The music experiences and friendships nurtured and gained in Biglerville were valuable and enjoyable. I was able to perform with two groups from Logan, Utah area. I also performed a short set as a soloist and I did backup fiddle or mandolin for multiple groups/artists. All of this has enhanced and added color to my experience as a musician.

The musical experiences I had in PA were awesome, but not what I want to focus on mainly in this writing. So much has been on my mind in the Autumn months of September and October.

On Sunday the 19th we decided to take a trip to Lancaster, PA where there are several groups of Amish families. Sunday is a day where is the Amish go to church and gather together as friends & family. There was an Amish farm museum open so this is where we went to explore and learn more about the Amish way of life. We had a guided tour through an "Amish home" It was simply furnished, modest size. We saw up close the clothing worn by people all ages, we learned about the traditions, rules and expectations in their community. The Amish are not allowed to go to public school , drive cars, watch youtube or TV, go to the library or play music, except simple religious songs with minimal instrumentation. They are deeply religious folk and faithful Christians. They are not to integrate in society except for certain jobs where they can earn a living, including construction work. The children we learned about don't ride bikes, but they can ride scooters. Children and teens are respectful to adults, they learn to work hard at a young age. Their schooling teaches them to be self reliant and proficient in many tasks which help keep their communities thriving and their homes stable.

There is a large emphasis on family togetherness and unity and helpfulness within the community. When they are "of age" they are allowed to leave the community, go out into the world and decide if they want to join others outside the Amish community. If they do, they become separate but not shunned.

There is so much to be learned from Amish communities and families. I started to write a silly little poem and this is what came to mind:

If I could live a day

The Amish way,

What would I do,

What would I say?

I think I would need

To change my deeds

To slow my speed

And take great heed.

My wearing of pink jeans, tie dye top

& flowery dresses would have to stop.

That fiddle I play

Well it'd have to stay

So would the mando and ukelele

There may not be time for fun

To frolic in the mountains or go for a run

So much work to be done.

What if I had been raised

All my childhood days

In this way of life

Would I know less strife?

Would I find greater joy in my family abode?

Those worldly pleasures, could I let go?

Would I value the simple

And love what I know?

I didn't get any pictures of the Amish, I didn't even see any on their way to or from church that day. I would have liked to. I would have liked to follow an Amish wife/mother or a child around for a day. But, of course as my Husband and son explained, that would be very invasive and impolite. I did buy a souvenir/reminder in the gift shop at the Amish museum to add to my outrageously loaded key chain. A reminder to think more like them, to learn from them. In this crazy world, I believe they live so much what is TRUE and RIGHT.

I share with you now a song deeply personal, not officially released.. It's one I'm still seeking to find the right places for and it emerged during a difficult time of my life. It's about letting go. For each of us this is something different. It could be anger, hurt or sadness. It could be addiction, sin or fear.. Perhaps something within will speak to your heart too.

I created the composition & lyrics, recording and technical direction from John Carter,

Drums, bass, guitar musical elements added by Alexander Aruca, my friend from PA. He also arranged the master production.

https://drooble.com/l/4hw4r

There is one more experience I would like to share. Just yesterday, on the evening of October 11th, 2021 my sweet little parakeet, Pahbo who I've had a very special bond with died suddenly due to my own negligence. We had recently lost another little parakeet, Sunny sometime while we were in PA, cause unknown.

There is nothing quite like the grief of losing a sweet animal you have loved in a way that you know could have been prevented. And it was me. My own choices, my own actions. Tears flowed for what seemed like hours. Several tears shared with my tender hearted 8 year old daughter, Alina who loved him and spent time with him too. We sat close as I held his still warm body, touched his soft feathers. We shared our sorrow and love for him. We shared many conversations about what happened. Even she tried to take some of the blame, I think to comfort me. The cause was I believe from poisoning from a heated Teflon pan, which if left on without food in it, can emit toxin for birds. Pahbo was in the kitchen. I was making bread and cooking scones for the family. And at the same time creating a ridiculous (and so very unimportant) short video clip to share on social media. I believe it was due to me being distracted by social media, that led to my forget-fullness. This is a clear example of how there are times when having a spontaneous free spirit can lead to making big mistakes and pain for self and others. The grief and shame I am experiencing penetrates deep. Time is needed for self-forgiveness. And prayer. I continue to pray that I will be open to the teachings and course corrections needed in this very painful experience. My mother reminded me that there are several experiences of parents who lose their children due to accidents. Several years ago, we ALMOST lost a child due to one of those accidents. Sometimes I wonder throught all the years and experiences of raising a family , how many times there has been Heavenly intervention to protect. Probably far more than we realize.

I deeply hope and pray that little Pahbo's death will not be in vain, that my heart will become deeper and more understanding of others. And that I will find greater self-discipline and vigilance in caring for those around me and gain more mindfulness and cut back more in my use of social media.

Farewell, sweet Pahbo. I hope you are flying free and happy in a place with many other winged critters in a special, beautiful place. I love you. I will never forget you. And I choose to seek continued openness in heart and mind, to become a better me. Thankyou for your precious life.

For a short video clip, a lively one of Pahbo talking and "dancing:"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBwHqWmLRFc

I thank all of you for reading this blog post. I'm not sure the best way to weave all the thoughts together. Perhaps sometimes it isn't needful. I do know I find comfort in writing and sharing because these thoughts/experiences are tied to the real me, and because it helps me to make more sense of my inner world. Yet I release it with the sincere hope it will bring comfort and insights to at least one other person.

May God bless you in your journey and may we continue onward in faith and hope for a brighter future and a better world.

The promise of spring and newness awakens in Cache Valley, Utah. Baby buds appear upon branches, lush green grass taking over the withered and brown from winter's sleep.

Even in a world full of disturbances and confusion, the vibrant beauty and sunshine bring renewed hope of things to come.

After more than a year of frequent seclusion and loneliness among many due to the worldwide corona virus pandemic, many are longing for those simple yet necessary connections between family, friend and community circles. Those in person connections surely gladden the heart , enliven the senses and bring unity and strength to one another. They are the golden moments and memories we hold onto when emotions are raw and times are difficult. To remember and know we are loved by touch, body language and by caring words and actions fuels our bodies, soothes our spirits, and helps renew our hopes and dreams. We realize in desolate times how much we have missed, or have even taken for granted experiences and opportunities with our loved ones in the past. We need EACH OTHER.

In March I was blessed to be a part of the "story" of two memorable events. Journey with me now to the bustling city of West Jordan, Utah.. and then, into the beautiful, quiet mountainous town and community of Marble, Colorado.

South Jordan, Utah:

On a Saturday afternoon/evening in early spring I was visiting a dear friend Kara who had flown out from North Carolina to visit and help her mother move into a retirment center. Several years ago our friendship had evolved into a glorious "kindred spirit" connection. We had met in our church/neighborhood when her husband was working for a nearby university. Kara and I discovered our mutual love of playing and performing music, songwriting, art, literature and and nature. We formed a folk duo called "Juniper Day." and performed for a few (mostly local) events. My first album was co-recorded with her. We both were pregnant and gave birth to two children about the same time. (And we both happened to be married to two different men named Jacob - . The similitarites we discovered were and still are magical and bonding and our friendship has been an incredible blessing and gift.

I did not want to miss the opportunity to see my best kindred spirit friend. I drove two hours to South Jordan to tag along and maybe try to be of help as she was there offering family support. The day I arrived Kara's plan was to go shopping for furniture to help furnish her mothers new dwelling "Adorned" in our attractive masks we first drove to Ikea (in her rental car) and didnt quite find what was needed there. Then drove on to TJ Maxx, where Kara found a chair she knew her mother would approve of. After purchase and hauling it out to the car, and goofing off just a little bit in the parking lot (pic) we discovered it would not fit no matter how hard we tried. It finally occured to me that we could drive back to the retirement home and swap with the vehicle I brought, which was a massive 9 seat chevrolet suburban. We left the chair at TJ Maxx, stopped for some dinner (it was around 7pm) then headed back to make the change.

By the time we got back to TJ Maxx it dark outside. We went inside, made our purchase and together carried the chair out to the parking lot for the second time that evening. As we walked I was goofing off and singing a silly

non-sensical song. Kara on the other hand wasn't paying attention. Her eyes rested upon a young uneasy looking young couple sitting on the curbside. She immediately stopped us and as we set the chair down she asked them how they were doing. The young man said forlornly, "Actually, we've been better.. " And then he proceeded to tell us that he and his partner were waiting to meet someone who was supposed to bring them money to help them purchase needed medicine. They also weren't sure they would be able to cover cost of lodging that night. I did not quite understand the full story and I don't think Kara did either. But that didn't matter. Kara felt that nudge and she heeded it. She handed them some green money and treated them like they were the most important people in the world at that moment in time. I watched as the man was taken back and how grateful and suprised he was when he saw her hand over the bill. His lovely yet tired looking companion reacted as well. We continued to walk to the suburban. The man offered to carry the chair, saying it was the least he could do. We all said our goodbyes and and both proceeded to move on with our evening and our lives.

In the car ride on the way home we were both quiet for a little while. Then I expressed to Kara how touched I was by what she did. I asked her how much money was in that bill she handed over. She said it was 100.00. I felt amazed, and humbled by this. How many times have I felt stingy or turned away from giving what I could to someone else?

She did what she was guided to do in that moment. Compassion filled her spirit and she did not ignore it. I'll always be grateful to her for what happened that night, and my admiration and love for her grew even more than before.

Marble, Colorado

In mid March my two sisters and I gathered together in Marble where Jessa oversees an

Air B & B. We planned to have some power rehearsals form upcoming gigs for our celtic/world music band "Wildwing." https://vimeo.com/472449073? (demo video)

We had a wonderful time together not only spending a few hours rehearsing in the main lodge, but also we were able to get outside and frolick a bit in the beautiful mountains surrounding the town.

Sunday morning was our last few hours all together for this trip, before my sister Amy and I were to caravan back to Price, Utah and then later for me to cache valley, Utah.

Jessa had helped set up an opporunity for us to play some of our more mellow songs for a church service. This was a multi-denominational (Christian) church, led by a regular pastor who had a modest yet lovely home just behind the church. He and his wife greeted us warmly and were very appreciative of us coming to share music for part of their Sunday morning services. We played/performed a Waltz I wrote called "Dreamer's Waltz" Amy on violin, Jessa on flute, me on piano, then one more traditional Cape Breton tune called "The Wren."

Throughout the service I was touched by the obvious friendships and bonds and service regularly given to one another in this community and appreciated the love and kindess shown by the pastor to his congregation. There was a wonderful sense and feeling of community bonding and mutual faith in God and his son, Jesus Christ.

After the service was over, by approval from the pastor, we played some upbeat irish fiddling tunes for a few in the congregation who wanted to linger and enjoy more music.

What an absolute delight to be able to share this cheer to dear people, hungry for music and dancing! The pastors wife and other adults danced, children twirled, hearts were lifted, smiles all around. Energy renewed. Gratitude expressed. How grateful I was and still am for that small moment!!

And I truly hope for many more experiences like this in the future.

Here is a link to a short video clip from this beautiful and energizing time.

https://photos.app.goo.gl/UPZuxHmQ9bHrXvLn9

One more link to facebook (public music profile) if the first link does not work:

https://fb.watch/5pbhpCehdH/

These are just two encounters this past spring that have brought joy and gladness to my heart. To me this is all about human connection, kindness and noticing and taking hold upon those "golden" opportunities. Some are living in a situation and place where they still feel limited in attending events and being around others. My heart goes out to you. May you feel joy and peace in those small moments, even if perhaps sometimes its through an electronic device. Maybe in person visits are few and far between. Cleave, cleave to those memories that stir and warm your heart. Hang on tightly to those strong connections with others that you know are still TRUE and right.

In conclusion, I share with you a song in the making - very much about what I've shared in this blog post. May it bring happiness to you. And peace.

https://drooble.com/l/4fl70