Another summer here in Northern Utah draws to a close. This year has brought wonderful opportunities but also challenges , including perplexing world events, war and weather related calamities. In Utah , firefighters have been hard at work fighting hundreds and hundreds of fires in our hot, dry climate.
Looking back upon 2025/2026 and my ever evolving life on this earth as a daughter of God, a wife, mother, musician, performer and teacher I share musings and thoughts of what continues to fuel my personal desires and pathways in an ever changing world.
Summer brings the most excitement in my little corner of musical activities. I've had the opportunity to perform at various events with Wildwing (pictured), Bear River Ramblers, as a solo artist, as “Music for Little Monkeys” (Logan Summerfest) and “Fiddlin Momma” either solo or with one of my band buddies as a “duo."Each experience is a learning opportunity and I hope strengthens my confidence, abilities and positive connections with others. Each experience also helps define and even change my perception of what I'm seeking to achieve as I perform. (For band performance demos click here: https://fiddlinmomma.com/solo-band-demos. Also I try to share performance and community events here: https://fiddlinmomma.com/events
In this writing I share a couple of short writings/musings from the past that have helped shape my perceptions as a creator and performer. I also share learning and influences from others I have met and talked to over the last couple of years, in large part connecting with them THROUGH the music.
Recently I attended (virtually) a funeral of a friend who passed away suddenly and unexpectedely named Michael Smith. He passed away from a heart attack and he was only in his 5th decade. Although his life had some intense challenges and obstacles his loving and compassionate nature gushed out to so many, many around him, including me. He loved music, he loved dancing, he loved people, and maybe most of all on this earth he loved his son who was adopted after over 10 years of longing. (he was a teenager when he passed)
I did not even know Mike well, but within the few interactions I had with him, I felt I was the most important person he had to talk to in that moment, I felt like a STAR, he loved my fiddling and music and he danced when he heard me play. And I believe we connected as fellow “free spirits” I knew full well he had so many many dear friends much closer that we were, but in those interactions, in those short moments, I felt SO appreciated and loved. I can only imagine how many, many other people he touched during his few years on earth and I believe so strongly he will continue in the next life to touch and uplift many, many others.
Besides the family members who spoke about him and his life and memories there were several musical numbers by family members and I assume friends. None of them were polished and professional sounding. But it didnt matter at all. The songs they sang were songs Michael connected with and loved and sang to connect with others. The pure intention and love for Michael behind those songs was so evident.
I've learned to view funerals much differently than I used to. I feel peaceful and contemplative as I walk through cemetaries. As a child I felt more uncomfortable attending these places but now, its a reminder of me that this current life we are in is VERY valuable yet it is a stepping stone leading to so much more. And there is an admiration i feel for those who I know who are preparing to leave this life and those who have left. One day that will be me. What am I doing in this life that really MATTERS? That will leave behind the greatest value to my posterity and friends that will help them navigate this life? I love to read and listen to stories and experiences of those who have died and come back to life, and what they saw on the other side. These experiences MOTIVATE me to seek to choose BETTER actions over GOOD. But still I am learning. And I have days where my motivation is not there.
How does my music path apply to this? So very much. Sometimes its about making decisions about how much time and commitment to put into music. I have a loyal husband, 6 children, and now 2 precious granddaughters. I consider all a sacred stewardship. I am grateful. When I have moments of wishing more people listened to my music or noticing something I shared on social media, thinking of my family helps put this all into perspective. The good I bring to them through the gifts God has given me is far more important than how much impact I have on the world through my music. But I do not always live that conviction. I have and still do make mistakes.
Another way I'm seeking to have an impact is through children. I love to be around little people. I love their smiles. I love their excitement, their openness,the innocence and the reminder to be spontaneous and open in life. I have loved being a music teacher in various schools other classes. I feel this is one area where God has called me to help others. If I can inspire a child to love and appreciate music, but more importantly find hope in their own capacity to CREATE and develop confidence within themselves, and to do this with LOVE, this feels like a moment of “super hero power!” Yet its really not that. It all comes back to my Creator and channeling the gifts he's given me to precious souls who are bright shining stars on this Earth.
The following is a “musing” I created in 2021, and as I write this, I recognize the yearnings are not felt the same as I progress through life experiences. Yet part of me wants to hang on to this longing and never let it complelety go…It is the childlike freedom still within me and that I see in others on occasion.
September 30, 2022
I want to be a forest maiden, running wild and free across the moutain lands, hair flying in the leaves
Sky surrounding me, cool breeze against my face
I'll be queen of the sycamores, mother of the critters and serenade the spiders and creeping things.
I'll immerse myself in the cool mountain springs, find strength in the hills and birds and cricket's song
I'll sing when I want to , lay under the stars and wonder
I'll play my fiddle, sing songs and live in the moment
As soon as I wrote this, the logic side came into my mind, the parent, the “responsible adult” and here is what followed. Yet there is something else here too, which I hope you will discover on your own.
But.. what then? I live in a community. I live within a family unit. I am a teacher. I am a wife. I am a mother. I live in a world where structure, organization and attention to detail is needed. I teach music to children. Children who need rules, boundaries and limits. Yet, underneath the assertive teacher “in charge” there is a free child roaming, longing for running and exploring in the woods. But.. not just that. People, understanding, then seeing, then connecting.
Do the children in my school of endless halls and concrete walls and barriers know that underneath it all I want to set them free? And encourage them to fly? Because I know what this feels like. The desire to SOAR.
Do my children who have been entrusted in my care know I want them to find what they love and spread their wings?
Does my husband know my heart and still love me? Do I honor what is important to HIM? Do I honor HIM?
My Creator up above, He sees, He knows.
“Little One," He says. You can be YOU.” But stay close to me. Listen. Feel. Love. Channel the love from me to all that surrounds you. Know it, feel it. love it. Stay close to me. Because through the wildness there is temperance and patience and wisdom to be found and discovered…
Even as I write I hear other voices in my head questioning the validity and judging these words I wrote. I inwardly weigh perceived risks in sharing. There is vulnerability in sharing our process of learning and evolving yet I will share in the hopes others will see the benefit and perhaps feel they can share too. When others share things like this to me, it warms my heart. I feel trusted and valued. So it seems I should do the same for others.
Speaking of freedom, recently in Utah many of us were part of Pioneer Day celebrations where we observe and celebrate the sacrifices the early Mormon Pioneers made traveling many miles across the west. They escaped intense religious persecution and many lost their lives in the 1800's as they sought to come to northern Utah to live what they believed and raise their families. To learn more about the trials these early pioneers faced it may be interesting to view the youtube video entitled: Legacy: Journey of the Pioneers
Below I also share a picture of being involved in the pioneer day parade in Mendon, Utah on July 25, 2026. I was in a group helping support a candidate running for Utah Legislature, but dressed in Pioneer woman attire. Fiddling and dancing was a common activity among handcart companies crossing the plains in the 1800's. I am proud of my pioneer heritage. And my Great Grandfather Watkins played fiddle at his own wedding, due to not being able to afford to hire someone else. Our family still possesess his beautiful instrument. I would love to go back in time and observe my Grandpa on his wedding day.
Throughout the parade I very much enjoyed looks of suprise and delight and often came right up to children, youth and sometimes adults so they could hear the fiddle a little bit better. My Dad was right behind me. He had tambourine in hand and train whistle to add a whimsical quality to songs such as "She'll be Comin' Around the Mountain" and "Orange Blossom Special." Fortunately the parade was not long (It was hot and loud!) But it was a fun challenge for me to continue to play and dance a little as we walked down main street.
I have been discovering over the years that the more experiences involving creating and sharing music I have where I see individuals respond with happiness, tears and even expressions of spiritual upliftment.. the more deeply satisfying it is.
Here are just a few more glimpses into connecting heart to heart with individuals because of music:
At the Logan Tabernacle my friend Dave Deakin and I were performing songs from Rogers and Hammerstein Musicals and encouraging a sing-a-long. One of the final numbers was “Edelweiss.” We had several members up on stage with us at that point singing next to us. The sound was wonderful and full. Several women standing next to me had incredibly skilled voices.The power and unity felt as we sang together was strong. One man in the center of the main section in the audience. Just stared and listen, with tears flowing down his face. I wondered what thoughts or memories this music brought to his mind that touched him so.
At a retirement home I met a new resident who is native spanish speaker.. I had my accordian that day. He seemed delighted and afterward shared that he played as well. I handed him the accordian and asked him to play! He happily played and sang in his native tongue. His daughter was there too and encouraged her father.. and was beaming. I had recently learned “De Colores..” and I played and sang this on the piano. This new resident played and sang with me. After I left I learned this man was dealing with cancer and that this experience brought him renewed strength and excitement for life.
In Logan and Cache Valley I help lead bluegrass and folk jams, including Tuesday night jams at Lucky Slice Pizza on Center Street in Logan. I have recently connected with young adults who enjoy this style of music and want to feel more comfortable playing in groups. We start with a slow paced learning experience for the first hour. We learn a new song by ear then go around in a circle , giving each individual an opportunity to practice the song while the rest of us softly play backup chords. When I see a young adult or child (or older adult!) trying for the first time or two this very vulnerable experience, I am smiling brightly on the inside and inside! The process is beautiful. And although it can be scary, my hope is in these spaces growth and progress and confidence can grow.
Bear River Ramblers performed at a neighborhood concert (culd-e-sac event in June) A sweet friend of mine who follows the BRR was there and after the show tearfully responded that during one of our final numbers, “Orange Blossom Special” she felt, saw her Dad from Heaven. He loved that tune and she could feel his happiness along with her.
A few years ago I was fiddling with Bear River Ramblers at a community event in Smithfield, Utah. A young person (I think a girl but I don't recall clearly) who had been a student of mine at an elementary school approached the stage wide-eyed and watched me. I recognized her and smiled. At the end of the show I approached her and attempted conversation. She seemed so overwhelmed with emotion seeing me there that it seems about all she could do was cry. I melted a little inside as I sensed happiness and suprise emanating from her tears.
I've had a tiny taste of feeling a larger crowd of people listening, clapping and honoring someone performing. There is excitement in that and some measure of satisfaction and I recognize so many other musicians besides me have those experiences all year round and play for hundreds, thousands of fans. In the past I have longed for this measure of attention. Yet it seems as I progress in years I have discovered its the one on one experiences, the heart to heart connections, the presence of individuals who express the value that piece of music or that experience had upon them.. that means the most. This is what fuels me and helps me want to keep going. It really dosen't matter how many people listen to my songs online, or how many likes a share gets on youtube or facebook, or how many people come to a performance. What matters is those experiences, with one beloved son or daughter of our God at a time.
If I can continue to be a conduit for God's love and experiences that help uplift others through my music, than I believe it is worth continuing. And I hope that somehow my family will be also be blessed in the process.
Now for just a few RANDOM “bonus” sharing moments and thoughts:
I got to learn about and play a DIDGERIDOO recently! To hear how it sounds, click on this video on @FiddlinMomma11 on youtube called “Didgeridoo Fun”
I have been reading more lately on these HOT days in Northern Utah. I have loved re-reading “A Wrinkle In Time” with a couple of my teen children by Madeline L-Engle (Brilliant Author!) Did you know there is a whole series of books following a Wrinkle in Time? I bought the whole set on Amazon for only around 25.00 and I hope to keep reading the books with them. They remind me and us to look beyond, and to have faith and hope in things unseen. https://www.amazon.com/dp/0312373511?lv=shuf&channelId=500&plpRedirect=mhFallback
I have also delved into “Theo of Golden” This is an amazing book about HEART to HEART CONNECTIONS. It is so much about seeing the heart and seeing beyond appearances, it's also about an incredible artist, and about a hero who is 86 years old. I'm not even far into it and I HIGHLY recommend it. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theo_of_Golden
A few days ago, I took my daughter and her friends to Lagoon Amusement Park in Farmington, Utah. At the end of a few long hot hours there, I saw Ben Kjar who shared through a cinematic film called “Standout” about his life dealing with the challenges of having a rare cranio-facial disorder called Crouzon Syndrome. He became an incredible athlete and through his talents and gifts inspired many people. Not only did he become a champion wrestler, he taught many people through his Christ-like example of what it means to turn the other cheek in the face of bullying and unkindness. When I saw Ben, for a second there was eye contact. Then I got a little embarassed because I knew who he was but of course he didn't know me, so I averted my eyes and kept walking toward the exit. But I wanted to talk to him very much. I tapped him on the shoulder just before he exited the park in front of me, even though he was animatedely interacting with another guy he seemed to be good buddies with. He stopped, turned around and I immediately said, “Ben, I just wanted to say I watched your movie and I loved it and was so inspired by it, thankyou!” Ben took my hand, thanked me and looked me in the eyes. I felt shy and awkward and was about to let go but he held onto my hand and asked me what my name was with a smile. That simple act of kindness and caring about me (as a stranger) warmed my insides and made me want to be more like Ben Kjar. I highly recommend you visit his website and watch the movie “Standout” and share it with your families. I believe He truly LIVES the way he is portrayed, even more so. Thankyou, Ben Kjar for your light to the world and for sharing God'd love on the Earth through your gifts. https://benkjar.com/
One of my all time favorite musical experiences in 2026 was performing in the choir for the first “Lamb of God” presentation in Cache Valley, Utah with full choir, orchestra and cast members. This is a beautiful, sacred composition by Rob Gardner mainly depicting events leading up to the Resurrection of Jesus Christ and also the joyous event of His Resurrection. You can find the link of the music on YouTube, performed by the London Orchestra and Spire Chorus. I hope to be involved again in this beautiful experience in 2027. We expect to see many, many people attend this marvelous event. It feels so good to be a part of something far bigger and better than myself, and something that brings such hope and comfort to millions of people.
One of the projects I did last fall was combine a piece I wrote about the changing seasons with art! Here you can see the beautiful artwork of two wonderful local artists, Dennis Watkins and Nel Larowehn (who is also a published author), with two slightly different versions of the song. Perhaps hearing the music along with seeing the art may give you a new immersive experience as you ponder the beauty of the seasons.
And finally, I include a newly released track from the band “Wildwing” reflecting the creative, free spirited energy that definies the whimsical energy of our band (also called "Wildwing!") This song was a creative fusion of muliple musical ideas from two songwriters from the band, Tanner Lex Jones and “Yours Truly.” It started out as a simple poem and melody about a free spirited nature girl and fiddler then became a song about a full band of “fairie folk.” It unifies and bonds us as a band and was a delightul experience to record together. Tanner Jones started the recording project and John David Carter mastered it for us. There is an extended version of the song available for stream or download and more about Wildwing on our page: https://fiddlinmomma.com/wildwingYou can also find the radio version (shortened) on https://wildwingfolk.bandcamp.com/track/wildwing